Lat week I wrote about the freedom that comes in your life when you discover afresh the gospel truth that the Father loves you unconditionally because of Jesus Christ. Knowing and experiencing that love and the freedom that comes out of it enables us to face our pain and the dark, disturbing, unhealthy, thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that are aspects of who I am. I will apply this more next week after you read what I write this week.
When our world falls apart; when pain, crises, disappointments, loss, tragedy, or failure come our way God uses them all to get us to change. I wish it did not work that way in life, but that seems the way it is. One person said, "we change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing."
Through pain, we develop a deep desire to change. I have certainly seen people change without pain, but it seems for most of us that distress brings us to be willing to take honest looks at what goes on inside of us. Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is more deceitful than all else and desperately sick; who can understand it." I think that it is very difficult for us to understand what goes on inside of us; the world of feelings, thoughts, desires, hopes, motivations, and hopes. It is very complex and takes God, his Spirit; his Word; and our willingness to look inside to be willing to face and allow a deep, long look inside.
I have found that it is easy to remain in a comfortable, safe, habit formed, controlled, ordered way of not really having to look inside. My life has been so full and busy for the past 33 years that it has been difficult to deal with things that were going on inside of me that really needed to change and life differently.
So I am learning to become aware of what I am feeling and doing. Learning to become aware is giving me the courage to do life differently and freeing me to operate in new, purer, godlier, healthier, ways of relating to the Father, Son, and holy Spirit and as a result, with others.
First, I am asking what am I feeling. Why did I feel sad after a conversation with someone? Why did I dread spending time with a certain person? Why did I avoid getting close with certain people?
I have had numerous feelings and thoughts inside but never grabbed hold of them nor knew how to bring them to Jesus. What do you do the mass of various emotions that complex emotional beings like us can feel like...Loneliness? Anger? Grief? Feelings of uselessness and worthlessness? Insecurity? Feeling like you don't fit in or measure up? Inappropriate immoral desires or feelings? Bitterness? Frustrations? Boredom? Disappointment? Sins that you have committed? Shame? Failure? Rejection? Loss? Disapproval? Discouragements? Failed relationships? People who won't forgive you? Being misunderstood and judged? A broken heart or dream? I could go on and on.
What do you do with those feelings? Do you repress them? Rationalize each one? Do you just ignore them? Do you know what you are feeling but aren't able to get to the root of "why" you are feeling what you are feeling? Are you willing and able to bring them to the Father for healing? I am not talking about narcissistic self-absorption but rather an honest examination of our emotions and feelings that radically impact every area of our relationships, ministry, and lives. the Proverb writer says, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life"(Proverbs 4:23). Paul encourages us to do a work of self examination in 2 Corinthians 13:5, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves."
Once I begin to be aware of what I am doing, how I am feeling, and how it is impacting others; I am learning to ask myself the "why" question. This asks questions like... "Why I am feeling what I am feeling." "Why do I allow others to control me?" "Why do I feel like such a failure?" "Why does it matter that these people accept me?" "Why am I so lonely in church?" "Why do I battle these desires?" "Why do I feel that I don't fit in?" " Why am I angry at this person?" "Why do I keep procrastinating meeting with this person? " "Why do I want to succeed so badly?" "Why do I fear the future so much?" "Why does it matter what people think of me?" Do these questions seem difficult to you? Alien? Starnge? Scarey?
I have found it easy to tell God what I was feeling but I have found it difficult to beseech God to help me to understand the why of my feelings, motives, and desires. I have frequently asked God to accomplish my agendas and plans. But seldom really taken the time to really be still and listen to Him tell me about me. .
I am learning to be courageous in asking myself these kind of questions, especially when it is something I would label negative or inappropriate such as anger, shame, bitterness, boredom, grief, hate, anxiety, fear, or depression.
What freedom is to be found in being honest before the God who loves us in our feelings, emotions, hurts, and wounds and bringing them to His throne of grace. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."(Hebrews 4:16) Here is the place where love, mercy, grace, healing, transformation, and freedom is poured out and released in our soul. Here I can be honest with God and myself.
This is the new way I am beginning to learn how to live. The adventure begins!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Pastor Bill
No comments:
Post a Comment