HOW I OVERCOME MY DARK DAYS AND NIGHTS:THOUGHTS ON DEPRESSION

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night,while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul:how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls;all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me?Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me,while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
Psalm 42:1-11

One of the greatest battles that I have as a Christian is depression. I often times experience dark days and dark nights. I'm not happy about it, but its a part of my life. There are moments when I will lose all hope, see nothing but darkness, isolate myself from others, and yearn for escape from my inner pain. At times like this I can barely pray or read my bible. There are times when I know it is tied directly to my unbelief, other times it comes out of fatigue and exhaustion, other times it seems like a direct spiritual attack, and other times it is inexplicable to me.

Sometimes I feel such shame for my weaknesses in this area. I feel that it is one of my worst sins.I am thankful that I am not alone. There have been some great Christians throughout history who have battled depression. David Brainerd battled it all 29 years of his life. William Cowper, the great Christian poet, three times attempted suicide, and several times was committed to mental hospitals. Charles Haddon Spurgeon fought depression as well. Sometimes he would be so depressed that he would cry for days without even knowing what he was crying about. He saw his depression as his "worst feature." "Depression," he said, "is not a virtue; I believe it is a vice. I am heartily ashamed of myself for falling into it, but I am sure there is no remedy for it like a holy faith in God.""

Some of my beloved brothers have written profoundly on this subject to help me battle my depression. Martin Lloyd Jones has written a book called Spiritual Depression, Its Causes and Its Cures based upon Psalm 42 that has given me allot of insight and comfort in regards to despair and depression. John Piper wrote a great chapter on depression in his book Future Grace called Faith and Future Grace vs. Despondency that is very helpful. He also has written a chapter in The Hidden Smile of God on the great hymn-writer William Cowper, who battled depression all of his life and finally succumbed to it by taking his life. Finally, there is a wonderful book on depression that he wrote titled When the Darkness Will Not Lift. These four books are great helps in the battle for those who like me suffer from bouts of depression.

But most of all, the greatest help to me in my ongoing battle with depression is the word of God and specifically Psalm 42. Psalm 42 is a testimony, an encouragement, and a tool that God has put in the Bible so that we might use it to fight depression. It shows people struggling with their problems and with themselves. They talk to themselves baring their souls, analyzing their problems, and rebuking and encouraging themselves. One of the reasons that this is so beloved a Psalm is because it so speaks to what many of us experience on dark days and nights.

If you read the Psalm carefully, you will notice that the Psalmist 2x’s mentions his depression (verses.5, 11). He uses the words “downcast and disturbed” He is troubled, perplexed, weary, sorrowful. He is in trouble. That’s why he asks the question “why?” "What is wrong with me?" He cannot hide his depression. He is sorrowful, worried, and overwhelmed.

How does the Psalmist face the situation and how does he deal with it? He fights it by preaching truth to himself about God and His promises. He preaches to his troubled soul. He scolds himself and argues with himself and his main argument is faith: "Hope in God! -Trust in what God will be for you in the future. A day of praise is coming. The presence of the Lord will be all the help you need. And he has promised to be with us forever" (see Psalm 23:4, 6).

We must talk to ourselves instead of allowing "ourselves" to talk to us! Do you realize what that means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our selves. Martin Lloyd Jones says that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself. Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you.

Now [the psalmists] treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?" he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: "Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you... Why are you cast down? What business has you to be disquieted? And then you must go on to remind yourself of God who he is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: "for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."

The battle against depression is a battle to believe the promises of God. And that belief in God comes by hearing the Word. And so preaching the word to ourselves is at the heart of the battle.
Jones says, “The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself.” You must take yourself, talk to yourself, question yourself, and preach God’s word to yourself.

The Bible is replete with instances of saints struggling with sunken spirits. Even Jesus faced the battle of despondency and won. (Matthew 26:36-38; John 12:27;13:21) He also encourages us in John 14:1, "Don’t let your hearts be troubled , fight back, believe God, believe me. Don’t yield, don’t give in fight the good fight of faith in God!"


God has woven his Word with strands of truth directly opposed to that lie. The law of God does revive (Psalm 19:7). God does lead to springs of water (Psalm 23:3). God does show us the path of life (Psalm 16:11). Joy does come with the morning (Psalm 30:5). God has given us he victory that will overcome all despondency and give us fulfillment and satisfaction in Him.


The cure for depression is neither to look in at our grief, nor back to our past, nor round at our problems, but away and up to the living God. He is our help and our God, and if we trust Him now, we shall soon have cause to praise Him again. Thus, as one writer sums up, "faith rebukes despondency and hope triumphs over despair".

So stop listening to yourself; turn on him, speak to him; condemn him; rebuke him; turn on him; exhort him; encourage him; remind him of the truth; and don’t let him drag you down and depress you. Turn your outlook into an up look


Overcoming dark days and nights by His word,

Pastor Bill