LIVING WITH FLAWED PEOPLE WITH FORGIVENESS AND FORBEARANCE

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." (Colossians 3:12-13)

After finishing my 58th year on this planet I am profoundly convinced than ever of one great truth: I AM A GREAT SINNER AND CHRIST IS A GREAT SAVIOR! What does that mean in how I live my life if I really believe that about myself? I read a statement by John Newton this week that deeply and profoundly moved me to fall on my knees and ask hard questions of my soul as I live in relationship with flawed people like me.

"[The 'wretch' who has been saved by grace] believes and feels his own weakness and unworthiness, and lives upon the grace and pardoning love of his Lord. This gives him an habitual tenderness and gentleness of Spirit. Humble under a sense of much forgiveness to himself, he finds it easy to forgive others."

If what I believe about myself as a flawed sinner who has a great savior and who lives upon the grace and pardoning love of my Lord is true; than is there any more important thing in my relationships with flawed people than forgiving and forbearing? That is what Paul seems to think in Colossians 2:13, "...bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive"

Oh how much grace given, mercy shown, patience expressed flawed people like you and me should be living in such a way that in grace, mercy, and love we make allowances for the weaknesses and ignorance of others and takes the kindest perspective towards them whenever possible. Why? On what basis? Because God is that way to you. Oh how I desire to be a person who delights to make allowances for the weaknesses of others, knowing how constantly both God and man have made allowances for me!

I love the phrase "habitual tenderness" made by John Newton to describe the way a believer should live. In writing to a friend he describes the believer's life:

"He believes and feels his own weakness and unworthiness, and lives upon the grace and pardoning love of his Lord. This gives him a habitual tenderness and gentleness of spirit. The effect of this amazement is tenderness toward others…Humble under a sense of much forgiveness to himself; he finds it easy to forgive others."

Oh Christian your relationships with others and your patience, faithfulness, obedience, and effectiveness is directly tied to the cross. We are saved by the grace of the cross of Christ, we live by the grace from the cross of Christ, and we therefore, must give to others the grace that comes from the cross of Christ. This means, God has forgiven me, so I can forgive others. God has been patient with me, so I can be patient with others. God’s grace is changing me, so I can trust that He will change others. God has been lovingly patient with me, so I can be more patient with my brothers and sister.

We're all struggling with life's problems. And isn't that what we all want from others?This is the rule our Lord Jesus gave us: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (Matthew 7:12). I would take it even deeper in light of the cross: Do unto others as Christ has done to you! Every one of us needs and longs to be forgiven by others and for their patience towards our flaws. Probably all of us should have a big sign hanging around our neck that reads, “Be patient with me; God’s not finished with me yet.” C.H. Spurgeon said, "If you are tempted to lose patience with your fellowmen, stop and think how patient God has been with you."

George Elliot once wrote,

"Oh, that my tongue might so possess The accent of His tenderness That every word I breathe should bless For those who mourn, a word of cheer; A word of hope for those who fear; And love to all men, far and near. Oh, that is might be said of me, "Surely their speech betrayeth thee as friend of Christ of Galilee!"

It is truly possible for every Christian to be forgiving, forbearing, and patient towards others. It has nothing to do with personality and temperament and everything to do with the grace of the triune Godhead working mightily in us. Colossians 1:11, “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.” Paul is praying for that grace to operate within our souls so that we are "...forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive" (Colossians 2:13) and loving each other "because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19)

Forgiveness and forbearance are evidences of an inner strength that is not supported by outward things like people or circumstances. Paul is praying for something that only God can give. Paul is praying for God to do something for us. Today you can be forgiving and forbearing as a gift of grace from the blessed triune God: From God the Father, who is kind, merciful, gracious, forgiving, and forbearing towards sinners like us. From Jesus Christ the Son, who came as our gentle, forgiving, and forbearing Savior, putting up with offenses on every side and enduring such a contradiction of sinners. From the Holy Spirit who brings us the fruit of the Spirit, which above all is love, produces forgiveness and forbearance towards others.

Jesus says in John 15:8. “By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit (forgiveness and forbearance) and so prove to be my disciples”. Oh how essential is the work of the Spirit in our lives for us to be seen as forgiving and forbearing in our relationships!

I do not see how anybody could know who and what they are without Christ and not treat others with kindness, patience, and mercy. If you are a hard person, you do not properly know what has happened to you or you have forgotten. You are not duly feeling the wonder that you are saved, forgiven, accepted.

May you the next few days dwell on all the mercy and forbearance that you have been shown by God and others this past year. Reflect that you are doing far better than you deserve. Marvel on all that this implies about your relationship with Jesus both now and forever. It will soften you towards others and before God.

Pastor Bill