THOUGHTS WHILE BATTLING SEVERE INFECTION

I have been battling a serious staph infection in my body for 8 days. I have spent countless hours just laying in bed and suffering with pus sores all over my face, severe pain, weakness, fevers, headaches, sleepless nights, loneliness, discouragement, helplessness, and brokenness. These are some things I have thought much about.

1. I am going to die someday sooner than later

On Thursday my doctor told me that if I did not get to the hospital that I could die that day. This was rather sobering to a guy who is a serious surfer, gym rat, and hiker. I have always known that my day was coming but hearing the doctor say that I could die today was a serious wake up call. The reality is that there will be one today that will be my last. It is this unexpectedness of death that has encouraged me to take a second look and to admit that, yes, death might visit me as early as today.

Jesus tells a story that illustrates this in Luke 12:15-21:“Then he said to them, ‘Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.’ And he told them this parable: ‘The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.’ But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.”

I have been reminding myself of Jonathan Edwards, who at the age of nineteen wrote 70 resolutions, several of which dealt with reminding himself of his future death.

#7 Resolved, never to do anything which I would be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
#9 Resolved, To think much, on all occasions, of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
#17 Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
#19 Resolved, Never to do anything which I would be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour before I should hear the last trump.

An entry in his diary reads: Monday, Feb 24, 1724. "Let everything have the value now which it will have on a sick bed; and frequently, in my pursuits, of whatever kind, let this question come into my mind, How shall I value this on my deathbed? “ Jonathan Edwards lived with an awareness of his death and so must I. Death's reality for now on will cause me to live passionately and purposefully each day.

2. Don't waste your life!

John Piper wrote a whole book challenging us to not waste our life. When I finally get well, I know this I WILL NOT WASTE WHAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE however long or short it is. What does it mean to not waste your life? It simply means this:

To live your life by a single God exalting, soul-satisfying passion. Paul spells it out in Philippians 1:21, "it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death". To not waste your life focuses on who God is in your life, becoming what he wants you to be, so that you can do what he wants you to do in this precious life. It means to pray, to think, to dream and to work in order to live and die for Christ, and for the joy of others. To not waste your life is to no longer live for yourself but to live your life the way God created us and saved us for.

Life is so short and so precious. As the saying goes “only one life will soon pass; only what’s done for Christ will last.” It is possible to waste your life. Few things make me tremble more than the possibility of taking this onetime gift of life and wasting it. over my life will be written the words: Bill's life was not wasted. Bill's life gladly displayed the glory of Christ, both in life and in death.

3. God really is enough.

For years I have heard this spoken throughout the Christian community and I have always taught this, and I earnestly believe with everything in me that it is true. But seeing it personally and having to live in that conviction has been another story, like the difference between seeing a picture of Hanalei Bay on Kauai and actually being there seeing it firsthand. Under all of the fear, pain, weakness, fevers, uncertainty, brokeness, and headaches there has been in my soul a quiet confidence, a firm foundation, an unshakable promise, and I am thankful that I have it. My world has sunk allot in the past seven months but I am continually anchoring my life in two truths:

He is in control of all things

He loves me deeply

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,"For your sake we are being killed all the day long;we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:28-39

4. The only thing that matters is I am His.

This year I have found myself stripped of everything that once defined who I am. Here’s the truth that has slammed into me these past 7 months and as I lay helpless in bed all alone and staring at the ceiling. All the things that have defined me here on earth are gone, and I am simply His. I’m still meditating on that. That’s all I really am: His. "I am my beloved's and He is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:4)
And this means everything to me!

5. If there is no cross of Jesus, then I am in a lot of trouble.
Hearing the doctor say I could die, going to the emergency room, and still feeling lousy days later, has caused much soul searching. I have looked at my 36 years of being a Christian and 33 years as a pastor and realize that they will not get me into heaven. I have thought much about sin, my sin. When all is said and done, there is enough sin in me to damn me forever. I truly deserve God's just wrath (Romans 1:18). As I lay in bed and thought about God's righteousness, my sin, and Hell, it caused me to shudder, to tremble and feel dread. I recoiled at the reality of Hell and eternal judgement. But I also thought about the cross and let my sense of sinfulness again cause me to flee from it into the arms of Jesus, who died to save me from it.

The prophet Isaiah encouraged me to "Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else" (Isaiah 45:22)

Jesus says in John 3:14-15 that "as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up,that whoever believes in him may have eternal life."

And Hebrews 12:2 exhorts us to be"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

So I lay here a hopeless and helpless sinner and look and cling to and trust in the gift and grace of Jesus. I preach to myself that on the cross by sheer, free, divine grace:

• Jesus is my ransom that repays the tremendous debt I owe to God for my sin.
• Jesus is my substitute who bears my sin and my curse in Himself so that I can be freed from guilt and punishment.
• Jesus, whose cross is a vindication of God's righteousness so that he can be both just and the one who justifies me who has faith in Jesus.
• Jesus is the one who justifies sinners like me who trust Him. He bears upon Himself my just deserved punishment and I receive His goodness so that I can stand before God.

I am a great sinner, Jesus is a wonderful savior, and on Him and His mercy and grace and kind arms I fall.

Pastor Bill