THE END OF SELF AND THE BEGINNING OF GOD

"He brought me to the banqueting house,and his banner over me was love." Song of Solomon 2:4

Who are you? What defines you as a person? Are you defined by your relationships? Are you what you have accomplished? Are you what you wear? Are you what you do? Are you what you own? Are you who you know? Are you defined by what roles you play? Our sense of personal identity is largely shaped by these kinds of things.These relationships, activities,and roles contribute very significantly in the way we come to understand who we are. That is, until we lose the very things that defined out identity. What if I lose my job, my spouse, my child, my friend, my house, my reputation, my possessions, my health, my good looks, or my dreams?

Loss leads to confusion of our identity, our sense of who we are. When we lose something like a job, a spouse, or our health it can lead to a real crises in our self defining. What do I do when I am no longer doing what I did, being with who I was with, looking how I once looked? In my own life, I have felt like a stranger to myself.I am not quite sure what to do with me. It is like I have gone to sleep in the familiar surroundings of my home only to wake up in a strange new house where I have not the slightest sense where anything is.

Anyone who has endured loss understands the confusion.Loss causes us to see the dominant role that environment, people, activities,and other things play in determining our happiness and sense of self. I have discovered how much successful ministry, good health, being loved by others, happy relationships, and so many other things have been the pillars by which I find my sense of purpose and meaning in my life. Loss strips away all the props that we rely on for our well being and happiness. Loss knocks us off of our feet and puts us on our backs. In experiencing loss, we come to the end of ourselves.

Loss for me has brought me to the place where George Mueller once said: "The end of ourselves is the beginning of God." My friend Don once told me that "when Christ is all you have, you discover that Christ is all you need." Loss can lead to the beginning of a deeper and more vital relationship with God. Loss reminds us how fragile we really are, how weak we are, and how easily we can take favorable circumstances for granted. When we lose these things we see that our identity is easily based on external, not internal things.

So I am searching for a new life that depends upon not the old ways of how I have defined myself. For me, that self is dead and gone. But, the end of me has led to a new beginning with Him. Augustine said, "Oh Lord, you have made us for yourself and our hearts find no rest except in you." Oh what joy and freedom there is in forging a new identity in someone greater than me and the world, people, and things all around me. God is the one who says to us "YOU ARE MY BELOVED!" He does not say I am pastor Bill, father Bill, husband Bill, educated Bill, surfer Bill; instead He just calls me His beloved. God does not determine our worth by all these paradigms of performance, accomplishments, and power. We are free to simply be (Put your name here)________________ beloved of God.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer helps me so much in this quest by writing:
Who am I? They often tell me
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

"Whoever i am, I am thine! That's it! This is what Solomon said in Song of Solomon 2:4, "I am my beloveds and He is mine. His banner over me is love."

Perhaps today you have suffered loss or have lost something dear in the past. Whether you are working or unemployed; married, widowed, divorced, or single; healthy, sick, or dying; let God define you this day. YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD. YOU ARE HIS CHILD. Be free to simply let Him define you and "be". Let His love shape you and your identity. Move toward Him and be free from the tyranny of letting all these other things define you today.

Oh what a joy it is in being freed to simply be His beloved today, tomorrow, and forever!

Pastor Bill