BROKENNESS AND WEAKNESS, THE TRUE PATH OF CHRISTIAN GROWTH

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17 ESV

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. " 2 Corinthians 4:7

What makes for a strong Christian? What is the secret of being mightily used of God? What kind of person does God use? What makes for an authentic minister? Too many people say, "I'm so ordinary, so average and undistinguished. I can't do anything significant." 2 Corinthians 4:7 shows that this argument is wrong and why. It says, "We have this treasure in jars of clay(or clay pots!) to show us that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."

God's concept of ministry is so different from the world's concept. The world stresses the classy container. It emphasizes power and strength that come from physical beauty, brains, success, togetherness, acquired wealth, accomplishments,popularity, reputation, admiration, education,and brilliance; but God sees His glory in human weakness. God's purpose is to make sure that we see that the surpassing power belongs to Him and not to us. How does he do it? He puts the treasure of His grace, power, gifts,and His gospel in fragile, damaged, imperfect, broken, and cracked clay pots like you and me. Your ordinariness,weakness, and brokenness is not a liability; it is an asset, if you really want God to get the glory in your life. No one is too poor, too weak, too shy, too inarticulate, too disabled, too sinful, and too broken to do what God wants you to do with you and through you.

For Paul, weakness was his badge of apostleship and authority from God. Listen to his words:

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV)

Paul argues for the authenticity of his ministry by appealing, not to his visions and revelations nor to his successes and gifts, but instead to his weakness! He attributed all of his ministry to his brokenness, neediness, and weakness. That is the ground by which the power and glory of Jesus flowed through him. It was in that lowly place of utter dependency that God moved in his life.

I have discovered that brokenness is the design and will of God for our lives. The Psalmist writes that "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Psalm 51:17 ESV). God finds pleasure in us when we are in the place of brokenness, humility, poverty of spirit, and neediness. These places of brokenness and weakness are not desired in this world. Nobody wants to be known as weak, needy, poor, or inadequate. Paul sure didn't! He asked the Lord repeatedly to take away whatever it was that handicapped him.He did not want to have to live and serve God in this lowly state. The Lord, refused."Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul came to see that this weakness, this brokenness, this neediness was indeed a precious gift from God. This was the place that released the true flow of God's power, strength, and grace in his life and ministry and it will be the same for you. God knows where His power and glory thrive and where it is diminished.

What are your weaknesses and handicaps that God has given you? Every one of us is united in this reality whether we realize it or not. In my own life I have struggled with fear, insecurity, drivenness, loneliness, depression, and relational difficulties. I am coming to see that God wants to have me serve him out of those. He is not looking for a few good men. He is looking for broken, humble, and contrite clay pots to fill with His heavenly treasure.

Paul's growth as a Christian is remarkable in that his growth increased as his own sense of his weakness and sinfulness increased. In 1 Corinthians 15:9, Paul calls himself "the least of the apostles." Five years later, in Ephesians 3:8 he calls himself "the least of all God's people." Finally, two years before his he calls himself after walking with Jesus for thirty years, "The worst of all sinners" in 1 Timothy 1:15. For Paul, the way up in God's kingdom was down! The less he saw of Himself, the more he saw of Christ. The greater awareness of his brokeneness and sinfulness before God, the more he was amazed by God's gift of grace towards someone like him. He became stronger by becoming weaker. He became rich by becoming poor. He became successful by becoming a failure. Oh dear reader, do not despise those gifts.

That is what Paul boasted about in his life. He was not afraid to speak truth about himself and truth about Jesus. I will boast about my failings, weaknesses, struggles, and inadequacies because when I am weak I am strong. We are great sinners and Jesus is a great savior! No wonder why Peter tells us that the key to ministry is speaking the oracles of God and serving in the strength that God provides so that in all things GOD GETS THE GLORY! (1 Peter 4;10-11).

I encourage all of you to begin living at the foot of the cross and seeing yourself in truth as sinners, broken, poor, helpless, and needy before God. Then receive His sufficient grace and love for every weakness as a gift that He takes pleasure in giving to you. In the light of that truth, be willing to freely share with other Christians your weakness and speak often of God's love, grace, and mercy. Watch what begins happening among you when you are all free to be ordinary, flawed, and broken together instead of pretending to be what you are not. There will be such freedom, such transparency, such honesty and openness, such safety and security, and such healing when all are humbly living together out of failure and pain at the foot of the cross of Jesus. There you will begin to see the healing power of the Holy Spirit work as God takes weak people like you and me, clay pots, and then fills them up with His strength and the gift of his heavenly treasure, adequately equipped by Him for His use and glory.

The only kind of people who God uses are those who depend not on their own gifts and resources. You can only become a strong Christian when you finally admit to the fact that you are weak. You can only become whole by being broken and vulnerable before God and others. Let this prayer encourage you my fellow broken ones.

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

Learning more and more to cherish the gift of brokenness,
Pastor Bill

JESUS KNOWS YOU

“But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man” John 2:24b-25

Do you ever feel that nobody understands you? Do you ever feel the loneliness of being around people who think that they know you but you know that they really don't? Do you ever feel misunderstood by others? Judged by others? Ignored by others? Do you ever feel reduced by others in their perceptions of who you are? Do you ever feel that people do not know the person that you are now and only relate to you as the person that you once were? Are you in the middle of some trial or have you suffered a personal loss and you feel that nobody understands what you feel or a re going through?

I find great comfort in my life meditating on the attributes of Jesus. In Jesus there is one person who you can relate to who knows everything about you inside and out. It is truly remarkable! All of our relationships are based upon ignorance. When I think about all of my relationships and acquaintances I realize that there are some people I don’t know at all and others I have known for many years. There are those who I have come to know deeply and intimately and others I hardly know at all. In your best relationships, the fact is that you don’t know 10,000 things that could be known about them and they do not know 10,000 things about you. Massive levels of not knowing form our relationships!

But there is one relationship in the universe that is not like that; yours with Jesus. Do you recall Peter’s three answers to Jesus’ question after the resurrection, “Do you love me?” Jesus asked him three times, probably because Peter had denied Jesus three times. Peter said the first time, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said the second time, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said the third time, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you” (John 21:15–17). There is always one person who knows your heart perfectly. Knows it better than you do. Jesus Christ. Jesus does not just know about my circumstances or environments or relationships on the outside, He knows about the inside.

There is an old African American spiritual that goes like this,“Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen. Nobody knows but Jesus...” There are two senses in which you can mean that. One is: Nobody has experienced my circumstances. That’s not true. Every one of us have gone through difficulties, suffered loss, or experienced the consequences of bad decisions. But the other is that nobody has ever been me in these circumstances. Nobody has ever brought your weaknesses,sins, and experience to your moments of difficulty, loss, sorrow, brokenness, failure, or pain. the fact is that nobody has been you in this experience,nobody can be you, and nobody can know this. When I think of that, it frightens me how alone I am in this particular trial,loss,pain,or sorrow. The circumstances may be as old as the world, but your experience of them is utterly unique. Nobody has ever been in your skin bringing your personality, temperament,feelings, sins, weaknesses, family and personal history, and your emotional constitution to this moment of personal loss and sorrow. How comforting it is to know that when you think about the knowledge of Jesus, you can tell yourself, "I am not alone in this experience; Jesus knows."

At those moments I can hear Jesus say to me “I know it. I know it better than you know it. I’m there. I am with you." I find this a huge relief to my soul! He knows all of my burdens and it is wonderful. Jesus knows my heart and my mind and my body and everything about me and there comes a sense of relief that in this utterly unique brokenness, pain, and sorrow, that nobody else can share or understand, Jesus perfectly, totally, fully, and completely understands.

It also means that there are no complete secrets in your life. You may have succeeded in hiding something all your life from everyone on this earth, but you have not hidden it from Jesus. The person who matters most knows most. The person whose judgment about you is all important knows all. Let that sink in. You are totally known. Totally. There is not the slightest part of your heart unknown to Jesus, at this hour, and every hour. Therefore, there is always at least one person you must relate to who knows everything about you. You may be able to look at others in the face and know that they do not know certain things about you. This shapes your relationship, but there is one who when you look him in the face sees totally through you. If you relate to Him at all, you relate as one utterly laid bare, and utterly known. Yet, in that perfect knowledge Jesus loves you unconditionally. Jesus is full of empathetic compassion for you. Jesus is full of mercy towards you and He is infinitely wealthy with grace to help you in your moment that nobody knows or understands.

What an amazing relationship! There is one, and only one, who actually and totally knows you. Nobody else even comes close. Your spouse’s knowledge of you, or your best friend’s knowledge of you, compares to Jesus’ knowledge of you like first-grade math to quantum mechanics. You are fully known by one person, Jesus Christ. Therefore, you always have a person who loves you, knowing absolutely everything about you. Is it no wonder that God's knowledge of David led him to cry in Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” God knows you and in that knowledge knows your pain, your weaknesses and sins, and can help you, make you clean,and in that wonderful knowledge bring healing to my soul.

Jesus is the one you can always go to for help in knowing who you are and He will not reject you in that knowledge but in spite of that knowledge says that He "forgives you", "loves you", is "for you", and invites us in that knowledge to "come to me" "cast your cares upon me" and Jesus who knows you is both willing and able to give you the help that you need.

So remember my friend, you are not alone. You are perfectly known and understood. You are loved! Let that be a great source of comfort to your lonely soul. Let it be the bread that you feed on and the water that you drink each day.

Pastor Bill

THE END OF SELF AND THE BEGINNING OF GOD

"He brought me to the banqueting house,and his banner over me was love." Song of Solomon 2:4

Who are you? What defines you as a person? Are you defined by your relationships? Are you what you have accomplished? Are you what you wear? Are you what you do? Are you what you own? Are you who you know? Are you defined by what roles you play? Our sense of personal identity is largely shaped by these kinds of things.These relationships, activities,and roles contribute very significantly in the way we come to understand who we are. That is, until we lose the very things that defined out identity. What if I lose my job, my spouse, my child, my friend, my house, my reputation, my possessions, my health, my good looks, or my dreams?

Loss leads to confusion of our identity, our sense of who we are. When we lose something like a job, a spouse, or our health it can lead to a real crises in our self defining. What do I do when I am no longer doing what I did, being with who I was with, looking how I once looked? In my own life, I have felt like a stranger to myself.I am not quite sure what to do with me. It is like I have gone to sleep in the familiar surroundings of my home only to wake up in a strange new house where I have not the slightest sense where anything is.

Anyone who has endured loss understands the confusion.Loss causes us to see the dominant role that environment, people, activities,and other things play in determining our happiness and sense of self. I have discovered how much successful ministry, good health, being loved by others, happy relationships, and so many other things have been the pillars by which I find my sense of purpose and meaning in my life. Loss strips away all the props that we rely on for our well being and happiness. Loss knocks us off of our feet and puts us on our backs. In experiencing loss, we come to the end of ourselves.

Loss for me has brought me to the place where George Mueller once said: "The end of ourselves is the beginning of God." My friend Don once told me that "when Christ is all you have, you discover that Christ is all you need." Loss can lead to the beginning of a deeper and more vital relationship with God. Loss reminds us how fragile we really are, how weak we are, and how easily we can take favorable circumstances for granted. When we lose these things we see that our identity is easily based on external, not internal things.

So I am searching for a new life that depends upon not the old ways of how I have defined myself. For me, that self is dead and gone. But, the end of me has led to a new beginning with Him. Augustine said, "Oh Lord, you have made us for yourself and our hearts find no rest except in you." Oh what joy and freedom there is in forging a new identity in someone greater than me and the world, people, and things all around me. God is the one who says to us "YOU ARE MY BELOVED!" He does not say I am pastor Bill, father Bill, husband Bill, educated Bill, surfer Bill; instead He just calls me His beloved. God does not determine our worth by all these paradigms of performance, accomplishments, and power. We are free to simply be (Put your name here)________________ beloved of God.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer helps me so much in this quest by writing:
Who am I? They often tell me
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

"Whoever i am, I am thine! That's it! This is what Solomon said in Song of Solomon 2:4, "I am my beloveds and He is mine. His banner over me is love."

Perhaps today you have suffered loss or have lost something dear in the past. Whether you are working or unemployed; married, widowed, divorced, or single; healthy, sick, or dying; let God define you this day. YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD. YOU ARE HIS CHILD. Be free to simply let Him define you and "be". Let His love shape you and your identity. Move toward Him and be free from the tyranny of letting all these other things define you today.

Oh what a joy it is in being freed to simply be His beloved today, tomorrow, and forever!

Pastor Bill

LIVING IN GODS WONDERFUL WORLD OF GRACE

If you ever have the read the book of Job, you learn very quickly that life is not fair, no one is safe, and this world is very unpredictable. Try to control you life, strive for safety and security, and watch what can happen. Job, a righteous man, lived a life like we all do, he had it all and one day lost it all. Why good and righteous Job? When it happens to us we ask "why me"?

We all want control over our lives and frankly, we are able to maintain allot of control because of the times we live. We have access to doctors, education, entertainment, food, water, disposal, and transportation. We have good jobs, comfortable homes, and ordered lives and schedules. For most of us, business as usual is a good thing for us in order to maintain a sense of control and order.

That is, until like Job, we are interrupted by some loss. When something happens suddenly that causes us to lose something whether by cancer, failure, disappointment, unemployment, violence, injury, divorce, or death we lose any sense we had that we are in control.Suddenly, we realize how limited, finite, needy, and weak we really are. We have to face that reality square in the eye. our lives have been interrupted. Our expectations have been shattered. We resent the intrusion, the inconvenience, and the cessation of business as usual. We think, "This is not on my agenda for my life!" We cry out, "God, I have plans that you are interrupting." "Why?"

Most of us not only want our life to be under our control, we want life to be fair. So when bad things happen, we claim the right to receive what we deserve, which is justice. We demand to live in a world where good deeds are rewarded and bad deeds are punished, hard work succeeds and laziness fails, decency wins and meanness loses. In Hinduism it is called Karma. When life does not turn that way and we do not get what we feel we deserve, we feel that we have been cheated by God.

Now don't get me wrong, I do not believe that many of the tragic things that happen are us simply getting what we deserve. We are all sinners and most of you reading this are undoubtedly not worse than allot of people and perhaps even better than some people who have dream lives. But what I have come to see is that thinking that living in this life and suffering or prospering according to our merit is far too simplistic a view of life and even more so does not square with human experience.

I have known some wonderful people who have suffered unfathomable tragedies and losses. What did they do to deserve such loss? I have also known some pretty despicable people who have had a very good and prosperous life. What have they done to deserve such a blessing?

So I have come to conclusion that life is not fair nor can life be controlled. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. But it is allot more deeper than that. Though I cannot adequately explain how this works and why it works, there is something I am coming to see.

There are two worlds that we can live in. We can try to live in a world where everything is fair and just, where we get what we deserve; or we can live in God's world of grace, where we do not get what we deserve. Grace is only grace when we get what we don't deserve. The problem in living in a perfectly fair world is that it is not a perfectly fair world! Everything is not fair and just deserved; good things happen and bad things happen; but there is no grace in this world.

Think about it. In a world of grace we may expedience bad things that we don't deserve, but we also experience good things that we don't deserve. Before God, if we all desired His world to be like ours, where we received our just deserves, we would all be in a world of nothing but loss, punishment, wrath, and bad things happening to us. The beautiful thing is that when we live in God's world of grace, we never get what we deserve. So, we may suffer loss, but we also receive mercy. Life make get worse than we planned it to be, but life will also be exceeding abundantly above anything we thought it would be (Ephesians 3:20).I may receive the bad that I did not deserve from others, but I will get the good from God that I did not deserve as well. I may find undeserved pain and sorrow in this life but I will also experience undeserved grace and joy from God.

Not only that, but when we live in a world of grace, our eyes are opened to see the Father;s grace coming to us in so many wonderful ways. Look what it did for George Mueller. When he suffered the devastating loss of the death of his wife Mary of rheumatic fever in 1860, he preached her funeral message from Psalm 119:68, "Lord, You are good and do good". His three points were:
The Lord was good, and did good, in giving her to me.
The Lord was good and did good, in so long leaving her to me.
The Lord was good and did good, in taking her from me.

Do you see what grace can do to our perspectives in a world of suffering, tragedy, and loss?
We cannot live a lifetime and expect everything to be free from disappointment, loss, tragedy, and and suffering. In a world of merit and rewards and punishments we will get many things we do deserve and many things we don't deserve, but that is all we will ever get. But oh to live in a world of disappointment, loss, and tragedy with the world of God's amazing grace! Grace from the God of abundant grace that will give us so much more than we ever deserve or don't deserve:

Grace that will give us life where there is death
Strength where there is suffering
Healing in our brokenness
Joy in the midst of sorrow
Gain where there is great loss
Love where there is hate
Light where there is darkness
Companionship in the midst of loneliness
Mercy instead of justice.

I am learning to live in a new world, the world of grace. That is the world I want to live in for the rest of my life.
Pastor Bill