On Being Thin-skinned and Vulnerable

I read something by John Piper that stirred my soul. I think it really speaks to the fragile, weak, overly sensitive, and PC times that we live in.

"But, beloved, we are convinced of better things concerning you, and things that accompany salvation, though we are speaking in this way. For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises." Hebrews 6:9-12

I have been keenly aware recently that we live in a day when people's feelings are the chief measure of how to love. If feelings are vulnerable and might be hurt by a certain action, then we say, "This is probably not the loving thing to do." Which means that we can easily be held hostage by people's sensitivities. Good and loving acts will be rejected because the bottom line of love is not truth or principle or even what's best for the person, but how they will feel. So if they can communicate that they will feel really bad, they can protect themselves from many good things.

What makes me think of this is the word "beloved" in verse 9. It means simply "loved ones"—"you whom I love." It's the only place in the whole book of Hebrews where the writer says it this way—where he calls them "loved ones." The reason this stands out is that he has just said some of the hardest words in the book.

He has said that they are dull of hearing even though by this time they ought to be teachers (5:11-12). He says that they are like babes stuck on milk (5:13-14). And he holds out the possibility that some of them have had great blessings and high religious experiences but are not saved, and are like a field that drinks rain for months and never brings forth fruit (6:4-8).

And then he says, "I do love you." Now I point this out because we need to let the Bible shape our worldview. We are a nation of victims and whiners and pouters to a large degree. That is, if someone says something negative about us—no matter how constructive they may try to be—we either slump into a fit of self-justifying woundedness, or we file a harassment suit. We are a very thin-skinned people in America these days. Easily offended and easily provoked.

This is not good. And followers of Jesus Christ should be different. We don't need to be thin-skinned and vulnerable. We are chosen by God, loved by God, forgiven by God, accepted by God, indwelt by God, guided by God, protected by God, strengthened by God—and God is more important than anyone else in the universe. We do not have to feel vulnerable or insecure. We do not have to be self-justifying or self-defensive or self-pitying. We can be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, as James says (James 1:19). We can be like Paul who said, "When we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure; when we are slandered, we try to conciliate" (1 Corinthians 4:12-13).

And if we can relate to our enemies that way, how much more can we handle the tough love of those who come to us with hard words for our good. The writer to the Hebrews says, "beloved"—"loved ones"—I have spoken to you this way because I love you.

A few times over the last five years or so I have taken loved ones out to lunch with the express purpose of asking some hard questions about their spiritual lives. This is very risky and very hard to do. You know that your actions could so easily be misinterpreted. They could accuse you of nosiness, butting in where you don't belong. They could accuse you of judgmentalism, pointing a finger toward the imperfections in your own life. They could accuse you of distrust, assuming the worst instead of hoping for the best. And so on. The possibilities of misunderstanding and false accusation are many.

And because of this, we do not do this as often as we should. The writer to the Hebrews is calling us by his example to grow up and to take the risks of love. He is also calling us to be less easily offended. And less easily hurt.

We have a massive foundation for our salvation in the death of the Son of God and we have an advocate in heaven more powerful and more compelling than any accuser on earth. We should be the freest of all people to listen to criticism and take it into account and not be wounded or self-pitying or resentful.

So let us learn how to love and be loved when heaven and hell are at stake and hard questions are in order.