ON BEING ENCOURAGING TO OTHERS

The writer of Proverbs says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:23). Think about this for a moment: Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Do you have any idea what this means? It means that you and I go through life with an awesome power-like fire or electricity or nuclear energy-right under our noses, one that can produce death or life, depending upon how it is used. With this power we have the capacity for great evil, for great benefit or great harm. We can use it to create death and destruction, or we can use it to create life and building up. Let me get real personal and ask you, does your tongue bring life to those around you or death? When people leave after having a conversation with you have they been given life through your words or death? Has your speech been a positive influence upon others or a negative influence? Are people attracted to you because of your speech or repelled? Is God honored by your speech or does your speech bring reproach upon Him? Do our words draw others closer to God or away from God? Do they build others up or tear others down? Do they heal or do they destroy? Do they cause others to love more or hate more? Do they cause people to see the person you are speaking of in a favorable light or not?

Fred Smith says that there are two kinds of people in church:polluters and purifiers. Polluters are like smokestacks, belching out dirty smoke all the time. When people around them breath their toxins, they feel sicker and sicker. Purifiers, on the other hand, make everything around them better. They are like filters who take in the toxic words of polluters and filter the words before passing them on. What comes in may be gloomy, negative, and unedifying, but when it comes back out, it is fresh and clear.

So let me ask you again; when you spend time with others, do they walk away feeling better or worse? Are they built up or torn down? Have you added value to their life or diminished their life? Do you clear the air, giving fresh perspective or positive encouragement? Or do they go away feeling gloomy? Watch how people respond to you and you will know what kind of person that you are.

I have resolved in my life that i am going to be an encourager, a purifier toward other people with the words that i speak. The apostle Paul provides a wealth of understanding about our words and their God ordained goal-both what it is, and what it clearly is not: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Notice how comprehensive this command applies to our speech: “Let no…but only…” There is a certain kind of speech that is never to come from our mouths, and another kind that should be in everything we say. That’s how extensive the reach of this command really is. Paul employs a contrast to teach us a “not that/but this” statement, clearly showing us the kinds of words that God forbids as well as the kinds of words that He requires.

What does Paul forbid? The word for unwholesome {sapros} describes what is rotten, putrid, or corrupt. It was used for rotten trees or fruit. Applied to our speech it points to words that spoil relationships, poison our influence, or corrupts another’s character. Words that spoil and bring rottenness; death giving words instead of life giving words. Among believers in the church of Jesus Christ and at the Lighthouse Christian Fellowship there is to be no decay spreading communication of any kind, in any form, at any time, by anyone.

What does Paul command? “…such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” Paul proposes a whole new way of thinking about language. Our words are to edify-they should be “good for building up”. And that goes for all of our speech. We are specifically commanded to communicate “only’ that which edifies.

What are edifying words? Truly edifying words are words that reveal the character and the promises and the activity of God. They are cross centered words. They are God glorifying words. They are words rooted in and derived form scripture, words that identify the presence of God, the heart of God, the Spirit of God, the love of God, and the character of God.

Paul gives us an example in Philippians 4:8, “whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].” We are commanded to communicate only words like those that are good (agathos-excellent) for building up one another. What a sweet command! What a privilege! What a responsibility! And so when we obey this command we leave behind a soul that has been built up and edified.

Notice also that Paul speaks of encouragement being the effect of appropriate words-“as fits the occasion”-appropriate to the person I’m seeking to serve. It means that to effectively encourage someone, I must know something about that person, it means I must have a good attitude about someone, which comes from caring, loving, and studying that person, asking questions, and carefully listening. you cannot encourage another person if you have a bad attitude toward that person. What does that person need from me now? Counsel? Encouragement? Warning? Comfort? Forgiveness? All the above? In 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Paul urges us, “brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

Mike Mason wrote a book with a play on the title of Brother Lawrence’s book, Practicing the presence of God. He called it Practicing the Presence of People. Are you aware of others? Do you care for others? Are you looking for others? Do you see others needs? Are you discerning? We must be careful and discerning here: Are people idle? Admonish them! Are they fainthearted? Encourage them! Are they weak? Help them! Wherever situation people are in life, there is something we can say to them to bring them encouragement.

Finally, Ephesians 4:29 Paul commands that our communication always be purposeful, and the right purpose is “that it may give grace to those who hear”. The biblical purpose for every conversation you have, in every personal interaction, is that the person who hears you will receive grace.

The grace that God lavishes us is the grace that is meant to pour out of our lives to grace others. Peter says in 1 Peter 4:10-11, “As each has received a gift (grace), use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God... ”

What do others need to hear from you? Let me illustrate. It’s like God has a restaurant and what is on the menu is grace. People have different needs for words of grace. It comes in a lot of different forms but its all grace on the menu. So when we say a word to someone, the key expression is the grace that comes through you to others in words. God is like the chef, cooking up loads of grace and we are privileged to be humble waiters in his restaurant presenting others with orders of words grace. We get to serve this grace to one another and have this incredible privilege of presenting each other with servings of words of grace. In his sovereignty wisdom and love He is cooking up grace and it is so good.

God is saying in our relationships: I’ve got that grace for this sister, this brother to set before them and then go give it to them through your words of grace. When you have walked in this and experienced it you know how exciting, fun and wonderful it is to serve it up in your words for others. Folks that’s God’s design. Notice it is all God working, God speaking, God doing.

In James 4:10, we read that God gives grace to the humble. We receive grace from God, we give it to others. We are all in need of much grace. There is no one you know who doesn’t need more of it. God has ordained that our church, our marriages, our families be environments where we are both giving out and receiving grace through the exchange of edifying and appropriate words. Every conversation has potential. Would you start asking God to give you discernment on what kind of grace this person needs.

To the legalist or those who feel condemned-we want to bring justifying grace into their souls. To those struggling with sin, we want to bring sanctifying grace. To those who are afflicted and suffering, we want to bring comforting grace. To those who are sick, we want to bring healing grace. To those who are thinking, feeling, or living in an unbiblical matter, we want to bring correcting grace. To those who are tired and discouraged, we want to bring sustaining grace. To those who are hopeless, we want to bring hope bringing grace. To those who are discouraged, we want to bring encouraging grace? To those who are dying, we want to bring life giving grace.

The list goes on and on. Through each and every interaction may we impart grace through our words, for that is God’s purpose in granting to us the gift of speech. And in effect we have God’s promise in this passage that when our words are edifying and appropriate, they will give grace.

So we have to ask ourselves at this moment: Is this the effect of my speech about others? Upon others? Is this people’s common experience in my conversations? Do they experience grace in and through my words? Is my mouth a means of grace? Am I meeting a need with the words that are coming out of my mouth? Am I speaking well of others? Am I building up faith into the people who hear? Before this day is done, there will be an occasion in your life that Paul calls “the need of the moment”. Someone will be positioned to benefit by your words. This is the ministry that you will be called to do at that moment-“edification according to the need of the moment”. If you are living in grace, if you are dependent upon grace, you will become a channel of grace-you will give grace to those who hear”. When you that moment comes and grace pours out through you-the satisfaction is so deep, you will know why you were created and why you were called and the air all around you will be purified instead of polluted by your words of encouragement to others.

Longing to be a purifying agent in my words,
Pastor Bill